Trusting Yourself: How Coaching Changed My Life and Why Doris Sew Hoy’s Book Resonates Deeply

When I first stepped into a coaching space as a client, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I was entering a new space that seemed not to be relevant to me and which I envisioned as uncomfortable, a process that I wasn’t sure would support my journey further into leadership. I thought I was there to “fix” something that had been holding me back: a confidence gap, a knot of self-doubt, a sense that I wasn’t quite showing up as the authentic leader I wanted to be, but rather the leader others thought I should be. What I didn’t expect was that coaching would become a mirror, a compass, and a catalyst all at once.

Coaching permitted me to pause. To listen to my own voice without judgment. To explore the beliefs I’d been carrying, some empowering, others quietly holding me back. Over time with my coach, I realised that the most transformative shifts weren’t about learning new strategies, but about trusting myself enough to recognise and use the strengths I already had.

That’s why Trust Yourself First by Doris Sew Hoy struck such a chord with me. It’s not just a book; it’s a practical, compassionate guide to cultivating the self-awareness, confidence, and resilience that underpin authentic leadership.

The Parallels Between My Coaching Journey and Doris’s Insights

Doris writes about the 4C model of Trust, Consistency, Compassion, Competence, and Communication, as the foundation for trusting yourself and building trust with others. In my own coaching journey, I’ve seen how these four elements show up in real life:

•           Consistency in showing up for myself, even on the days when self-doubt is loud.

•           Compassion in replacing harsh self-criticism from myself and others with curiosity.

•           Competence in recognising and owning my expertise, rather than downplaying it.

•           Communication in speaking my truth with clarity and respect consistently.

She also introduces the “magic” of Clean Language, a questioning technique that helps people uncover their own metaphors and meaning without the coach imposing assumptions. I learnt a lot from Doris and continue to work using clean language in my own journey. As a coach, I employ similar approaches, and as a client, I’ve experienced firsthand the power of being truly heard in this way.

Why This Matters for Leaders

One of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned, and that Doris reinforces, is that self-trust is not a one-time achievement. It’s a practice. It’s built in the quiet moments when you choose to back your own judgement, and in the challenging moments when you decide to stand by your values.

For leaders, this is everything. Without self-trust, decision-making becomes reactive, relationships become strained, and culture suffers. With it, you create the conditions for psychological safety, innovation, and sustainable performance.

I believe that using the 4 C’s helps you develop a fifth, one that is often discussed in coaching sessions and introduced either as an intentional goal or an unintentional awakening.

CONFIDENCE

Accessing coaching didn’t just make me a better leader because I learnt new knowledge and skills, it made me a more grounded, self-aware human being. Trust Yourself First put language and structure around many of the shifts I’ve experienced, and it offers practical tools for anyone ready to start that journey.

If you’re a leader feeling the weight of expectation, or someone navigating a season of change, I’d encourage you to do two things:

1.         Find a coach who will hold space for you to explore, challenge, and grow.

2.         Read this book, not as a quick fix, but as a companion for the ongoing practice of trusting yourself.

Because when you trust yourself, you lead differently. And when you lead differently, you can influence and change the culture around you.